Dear Diary

hot days

It’s hot here these days. I have 4 days left here, and on the 5th, Sunday, I am leaving for the capital, and then for home. My flight got rescheduled about two hours late, but it’s fine. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get to the supermarket in time to get cat litter and food. Thinking if I should maybe buy food here, but what can I get here that’s shelf-stable?

I think I have like a can of beans at home, I could eat that with rice or pasta.

Cat litter will just have to wait until next day. I’ll wash litterboxes and that would be it.

I really hope that father won’t come on Sunday, but I’m afraid he will. Which means there will be no rest for the wicked, and then a five day work week, and then maybe, MAYBE, some quiet next weekend. The heat is supposed to dissipate at least a little, but it’s still going to be in the low thirties to high twenties. At least the nights are cooler now.

I also need to go get a hair cut and dye job sooner rather than later, but again, not happening on Sunday – wasn’t supposed to happen – and likely won’t happen on Monday. So next time my hair will be sufficiently dirty is… Thursday? Or maybe just wait out until Saturday/ Sunday. We’ll see how my sleep pattern is going to be.

It appears that I’m just sitting listening to music. My new jam is slowed/ reverb playlists. Trying to get my mind to focus has been difficult for the past couple of days, I wonder why. Yesterday it was probably a migraine. Today I don’t know, maybe I’m tired from all the social activities.

Job hasn’t been bothering me very much. On the contrary, some tasks I had to do were pleasant. Yet I am triggered – incompetence and greed surround me.

Wrote about it in the other doc yesterday, but I find myself at a financial disadvantage once more. I suppose that’s the consequence of my constant indiscretions.

I’ve got about 11k left + 2 more on the way for rent. That’s enough to pay subscriptions and two credits + pawn shop, with about 3-4k to spare. These 3-4 k would need to be distributed very wisely for daily necessities and at least SOME of the utility bills.

I mentioned it before here, there, and everywhere, but my default should be not spending. Like, every time I want to spend money, my thought should be, ‘how can I do this without money?’ Do I have a substitute? Can I do without? Can I ask somebody for a favour/ barter for skill? If there’s no choice but to spend money, then I should look for the cheapest option. Maybe I need less. Maybe I can use something that’s less expensive.

Of course there will be slips, and of course I will spend money. But I guess I just need to be very selective with the usual list of my indiscretions, and learn to control my impulses.

I think one of the things that can be very helpful in the matter is keeping myself busy instead of spending money. I do need to keep in mind that keeping myself intentionally busy usually results in hypomania, though.